Quietness and Thunder
I hear thunder in the background. No major rain clouds in sight, no lightning, just thunder; quietness and thunder.
If I were home right now, it wouldn’t just be thunder. There would be a loud clap of thunder, followed quickly by little feet scampering across the floor, getting faster as they got closer.
It’s funny, a clap of thunder, a simple clap of thunder, makes my mind wander immediately to that vinyl sided building with 4 large rooms where my girls are currently staying. I can see in my mind D’s face when she heard that clap of thunder. I know my sweet M is usually brave, but drops her guard when the thunder gets really loud. I want to be there. I want to tell them it’s OK. I want to hug them and calm their fears. I’m happy with the daycare center. I think they genuinely care about my girls, and I feel that my girls are safe there. But even with the reassurances, I’m not there.
I really feel the guilt of working when big events come up; a field trip here, a few days late to the beach there, early wake ups during the summer (my mom was a teacher so I got a “real” summer”). I feel the guilt or the wishes and wants of staying home mainly on those days. But these days, the ones that sneak up on you, these days are tough. That desire of my heart to be home with my babies came up as quickly as that clap of thunder.
I love being a working mom and making sure that my bills are paid 😉 I love being able to give my girls the desires of their itty bitty hearts, but my heart is aching to give them my time, to see their smiles throughout the day, to feel sweet hugs, to get slobbery baby kisses, but working makes coming home in the afternoons and those loud Saturday mornings that much sweeter.
I know it’s not in the cards for me to stay home. Instead I’ll just embrace the quietness following the Thunder until later..